I haven't yet introduced you to my job. And not so much the job, but the job location. I - the cleavage showing, birth control using, swear word spouting, drunk a time or two person that I am - works in a convent. Okay, so technically where my office is isn't in the convent itself, but it is on the grounds of convent. Nuns everywhere. Even a scooter driving nun shows up every now and then.
Although they are not my employer, because I work onsite I have to adhere to their dress code. The biggest complaint I have with that is the fact I have to wear pantyhose if I chose to wear a dress or skirt and anytime I wear open-toed shoes. Winter time isn't bad...I do love to rock a dress with tights and tall boots; it's the warmer months that this absolutely kills me! My first two summers, I avoided dresses all together. This summer, I've found myself the proud owner of a few awesome dresses and today, I caved.
Of course, I only made the decision when I first woke up this morning to wear a dress (plan ahead??? Where's the fun in that?) so I had to leave the house a few minutes early and run into Walmart to grab a pair of hose. In and out of Wally World in under 5 minutes. That's got to be a record. I'm sure of it.
I honestly debated trying to slip on the hose as I was driving to work, but I was too busy catching up on Facebook.
So I get to the office and with my mad crazy ninja skills, I managed to make it to the bathroom without getting detected by a Sister before I was properly attired. There's a sitting area when you first walk into the bathroom and from there is another door that leads to the actual bathroom. I figured I would be able to sit in the recliner and quickly slip on the undergarment. I got them up to my knees and realized they seems awfully tight. Of course...me in my hurry unintentionally grabbed the super enhanced control top ones. Not that I don't need them...I should probably layer five pairs of the damn things on...I'm just past the point of caring if all this flab is sucked in.
When I realized it would be more of a challenged, I waddled (yes, with the hose at knee level) into the bathroom so that if I heard someone come in the front door, I could dive into a stall (again, with my mad crazy ninja skills). With my dress hiked around my waist, I finally struggled into what I'm now calling my sausage casing.
It's been a few years since I've worn pantyhose...now they come with this rubber no slip band???? And they go all the way up to under your bra??? I have never sat up straighter and taller in my life.
I'm also turning interesting shades of blue as I type this...seeing spots...I'm losing feeling from the waist down...
...is this normal?
I'm thinking the dresses are staying in the closest for yet another summer. Or I'm finding another job.
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