Overboard? Pshaw! Out of hand? Well, Maybe...

If you follow me on Pinterest, you'll probably be disappointed. I prefer to scroll through Facebook and see what my pals have posted and then I just steal those idea. We'll call it the lazy man's Pinterest.

Several months ago, we were doing a major decluttering and I was thiiiiiiiiis close to busting down an old TV stand. Then my memory actually kicked in and I remembered seeing this bad boy (full blog post can be found at http://www.timeoutchicagokids.com/eating-shopping/shopping-services/105266/diy-the-best-play-kitchen-ever):

I just *had* to do this, but I am smart enough to realize that there was no way that I could accomplish this on my own. Not if I wanted it to resemble anything close to a kitchen. Luckily, my husband has an engineering degree, my dad is a retired tanker and my mom is a housewife extraordinaire (I got it from my mama, I got it from my mama...I g-got it). GOOOOOOooooooOOOOOO TEAM!

Here is the before:

Not too pretty, is it? We started out by completely breaking it down to just its outside frame, removing all hardware, shelves and trim. Then the flimsy cardboard back was replaced with a board of plywood. Warning - this pretty much triples the weight of the stand. But because it also triples the quality, it is a win-win. Just remember to lift with your knees.

I did a lot of research on how to paint laminate so that it will last and settled on two coats of primer, two coats of paint and then two coats of a polyurethane. PAINT FIRST! And let it set for a good couple of days so everything dries completely and is less susceptible to the scratches it's bound to get as you start assembling. You will still need to do some touch-up at some point, so don't beat yourself up (unless you're into that sort of thing).

I should mention that it was around this point that I discovered that I'm expecting yet again. There was a chance that we would have ended up making the kitchen totally girly, but adding another kid to the bunch made us stick to the idea of a very gender-neutral play set. And once we realized how rock-solid it was going to be, we starting imagining little Romero grandchildren playing with it for years to come.

I like the idea of granite countertops, but at the beginning the idea was to do this project for as little money as possible. We went with a RustOleum textured spray paint and it worked really nicely. We had also added the backsplash while we were budget-conscious and found tiles at the local Habitat for Humanity Restore (great place...go check them out!) for $2.50. Mom and I felt like HGTV rockstars after completing the tiling and grouting. We pretty much rocked it.

And here is where our budget got thrown out the window. It's the thought that counts, right? Not that I'm pointing fingers, but it was pretty much my husband's fault.

We found a great faucet at Home Depot (on our 20th trip there) and stole the dog's water bowl for the sink. Don't call the Humane Society, we did get him a new, much better one.

And I need to own up to this one - I batted my eyes at the husband and asked him if he thought that the kitchen needed a working light. I may have had to promise some sexual favors, but off to Lowe's (for the 27th time) we went. I didn't realize my idea meant that the kitchen had to be wired for electricity, but the husband took it all in stride and didn't even bat an eye when my "suggestion" rang up a $65 total. He's a good man.

Isn't the best? *dreamy sigh*

Next step was to do the appliances. We had originally painted some leftover plywood with a metallic paint, but weren't happy with the results so back to Home Depot where a nice gentleman pointed us in the direction of the aluminum sheeting. Genius! Husband decided to go with two sheets with a small space in between to give the door the appearance of being a separate freezer and fridge. The aluminum was adhered to a piece of MDF using contact cement. Not too shabby, huh?

After seeing how amazing the refrigerator was looking, we decided to also scrap the original oven door. We had taken an old cabinet door and painted it with the same metallic paint. The new oven used leftover MDF and aluminum and looked 100 times better!

Time to assemble! We used the original hardware for the oven and fridge door. Then adding two small floating shelves to the back so there would be more storage. Crown molding was also attached to hide the on/off switch for the light, which was placed on the top of the kitchen to make it easily accessible.

Now comes the super-fun part - adding all the details!

Super awesome handles from Menard's and the decal is a photo of an actual water dispenser that we printed and glued on with spray adhesive

Again, we took a picture of an actual oven and printed them out

Safety first! Since the oven door kind of fell open with a thud, a toy box hinge was attached. This keeps it from falling all the way to the ground when open, plus requires friction to close and shut helping keep little fingers from getting caught.

New light since the guys were calling the kitchen "the red light district". See the hidden Mickey's?

Black PVC trim was added to cover the rough edges of MDF and shelves give her lots of storage space for all the fun Melissa and Doug accessories

For right now, the stove is really a trivet the hubs found at Walmart. 

Full view of the counter

TADA! Our finished masterpiece. Okay, not completely finished as our to-do list keeps getting longer as we come up with great ideas (like a real refrigerator light). 

And so that it's fresh in your memory, here is the before and after side-by-side:

This came out much better than we could have imagined. My tips for you if you decide to tackle a project like this yourselves - 1) Say "screw it" to a budget 2) Be open to making over a dozen trips to three different home improvement stores in a span of 48 hours 3) Don't dismiss your husband's idea - he will surprise you with his creativity 4) Realize this wasn't done in a day

Identity Crisis

My husband has been trying to help me rename my blog so it has better appeal and he asked me some key questions:

Who is my audience?

What personality am I trying to evoke?

What is the theme of my blog?

I hate it when that man makes me actually have to think. Well, my audience is probably a handful of people who have caught up on all the real blogs - like Oatmeal and Hyperbole and a Half (two of my absolute favorites) - and still need to kill some time before going to work, after work, during work. And another handful is my family who will read it only so if  I ask them for the hundredth time if they saw my last post, they can finally answer "for Pete's sake, Kathryn...YES...we read your stupid blog!"

The personality? Well, it's whichever one manages to not be suppressed by my daily meds.

Then there's the theme. I needed a place to expand on my Facebook statuses. Yes, yes, I know that there's not really a cap on how many characters you use in a status, but how many of you honestly click on the "see more"? Then I needed a place to share recipes because I am an awesome amazing cook and if I can cook up something that makes nine people happy, the whole world needs to know what it is. I am also trying to give Heloise a run for her money and I have a head full of helpful household tips that I'd like to share (but I'm guessing along with the tip will come an interesting story about the opportunity I had to actually try to the tip out).

I guess the most important thing I'd like to share is my family. I think that providing a peek into our triumphs, failures and everything in between gives you a better idea how a blended family works (or at times, doesn't work) much better than watching reruns of The Brady Bunch.

Plus, having another outlet to embarrass my kids makes my heart a'flutter!

So back to my husband's questions. Now that I've answered them, I still don't see an obvious name so I may break down and go with House Kat. It was a joke I made that everyone thought was hilarious (and by everyone, I mean me). Since I'm on early maternity leave from work and Larry calls me "Kat". Get it? Get it? Yeah, I am quite witty *bashful smile*.

You'll be seeing some changes to the design and name, but don't worry - I'll always be me! The writing won't change.

Better Late than Never - An Introduction

A few people have made the mistake of saying I'm funny and that I have missed my true calling in stand-up (comedy, I'm assuming). Whether they actually mean it or they were just trying to stroke my ego is completely irrelevant at this point - they said I'm funny, it went to my head and now this blog has been born. 

I guess I should introduce my family, since they're the ones I blame for knocking a few of my screws loose. Here we go:

Now here's a story, of a lovely lady...who...crap...wrong family. 

Up until almost a year ago, I was a divorced mom of four and Larry was a divorced father of two. Now we're a blended family of six kids, plus one foreign-exchanged student, three cats, one dog and we're expecting a baby girl any day now. 

That's a shorter version of the story than you were expecting, wasn't it? This is just my way of reeling you in...I leave you wanting more so than you'll obsessively stalk my blog, waiting for me to share moments and insight on how our family is managed so well that I still have the ability to string together the sentences needed to continue publishing posts. 

To make you feel more complete, how about I share some random facts with you?

• I am a big fan of using ellipses. I use them...a lot
• If you spell "a lot" incorrectly, I will disown you (and if you weren't related to me to begin with, I'll adopt you and then disown you)
• One teenage boy smells bad. Three teenage boys sharing the same bedroom can create a funk so awful, I have my dog breathe in my face to help erase the memory of the smell. Dog breath is much more preferable. No exaggeration.
• My husband has ninja-like sperm
• A 12 year old girl who is already mean to begin with can make a whole house full of men cry when these three letters are uttered - P M S 
• Moving where I store the snack foods and cereal can create mass havoc, which is all kinds of fun for me

It's Almost Like We Don't Even Have Cable

A few weeks ago, Brandon (my clueless, oblivious, sometimes forgotten youngest) comes into the living room and is like "hey mommy, I think I have a bug bite". Why I didn't take pictures is beyond me, but it looked like he was attacked by an army of spiders. And everywhere he was bitten was pretty much twice the size as normal - chin, eye, arm, leg  - so half of him looked like a Thanksgiving Day float.

Cut to a few hour later as I was cooking dinner. I saw an awfully guilty looking spider on the ceiling. It was also a very scary looking spider so we decided to catch it so we could get a closer look and figure out what kind it was (and by "we", I mean Thad caught it).

Thankfully, I happened to have a mucous specimen trap handy from when a customer and I were arguing back and forth about whether or not a certain competitor's version had a screw off bottom and I was like "nuh-uh" and he was like "uh-huh" and I was like "nuh-uh" and so he mailed it to me and I opened the package and I was all like "haha...I'm right and you're wrong". And this is why I'm such a rock star at work.

Back to the spider.

We caught him (it has to be a he, girl spiders would be pretty and covered in glitter and not have an angry mean face marking on her spider ass). Turns out this spider is a biter, but not dangerous. Did we let it go? Nooo...we caught another spider and gave him a spider friend to play with. We watched them ignore each other for hours, and then BAM! Ugly spider attacked slightly less ugly spider.

Then we caught (and again, the "we" actually implies Thad caught it...I just want it to look like I was included in all the brave spider catching business) another ugly spider. And watched the two of them play/ignore/have dirty spider sex (or at least that's what we think they were doing) for two weeks.

We found this way super exciting.

This past Monday, we come home to an even BIGGER ugly spider.

 And we caught it. Now there are three ugly spiders in the specimen trap.

Um, correction...BIGGER ugly spider totally killed big ugly spider and smaller ugly spider. And then he ate their butts.

Yes, really.

I wonder if it's because he thought they were making mean faces at him and he doesn't realize that's actually their markings. And if he could see his own ass, he'd realize he has the same ones.

As entertaining as we've been finding this, I'm sure the assumption is that we must not have cable or even electricity. But we do.

These Aren't Pantyhose, They're Sausage Casings

I haven't yet introduced you to my job. And not so much the job, but the job location. I - the cleavage showing, birth control using, swear word spouting, drunk a time or two person that I am - works in a convent. Okay, so technically where my office is isn't in the convent itself, but it is on the grounds of convent. Nuns everywhere. Even a scooter driving nun shows up every now and then.

Although they are not my employer, because I work onsite I have to adhere to their dress code. The biggest complaint I have with that is the fact I have to wear pantyhose if I chose to wear a dress or skirt and anytime I wear open-toed shoes. Winter time isn't bad...I do love to rock a dress with tights and tall boots; it's the warmer months that this absolutely kills me! My first two summers, I avoided dresses all together. This summer, I've found myself the proud owner of a few awesome dresses and today, I caved.

Of course, I only made the decision when I first woke up this morning to wear a dress (plan ahead??? Where's the fun in that?) so I had to leave the house a few minutes early and run into Walmart to grab a pair of hose. In and out of Wally World in under 5 minutes. That's got to be a record. I'm sure of it.

I honestly debated trying to slip on the hose as I was driving to work, but I was too busy catching up on Facebook.

So I get to the office and with my mad crazy ninja skills, I managed to make it to the bathroom without getting detected by a Sister before I was properly attired. There's a sitting area when you first walk into the bathroom and from there is another door that leads to the actual bathroom. I figured I would be able to sit in the recliner and quickly slip on the undergarment. I got them up to my knees and realized they seems awfully tight. Of course...me in my hurry unintentionally grabbed the super enhanced control top ones. Not that I don't need them...I should probably layer five pairs of the damn things on...I'm just past the point of caring if all this flab is sucked in.

When I realized it would be more of a challenged, I waddled (yes, with the hose at knee level) into the bathroom so that if I heard someone come in the front door, I could dive into a stall (again, with my mad crazy ninja skills). With my dress hiked around my waist, I finally struggled into what I'm now calling my sausage casing.

It's been a few years since I've worn pantyhose...now they come with this rubber no slip band???? And they go all the way up to under your bra??? I have never sat up straighter and taller in my life.

I'm also turning interesting shades of blue as I type this...seeing spots...I'm losing feeling from the waist down...

...is this normal?

I'm thinking the dresses are staying in the closest for yet another summer. Or I'm finding another job.

What's for Lunch?

Thanks to my big Sams Club order, my pantry, freezer and fridge are stocked full of good stuff. So I figured I have no excuse to pack my lunch and this morning, I selected a Jimmy Dean D-lite, 100 calorie snack pack, yogurt and Combos (I'm a grazer).

It's 11am and I already ate everything. Plus two doughnuts from birthday break. And am convincing myself that I must have Chinese food NOW.

*Sigh*

This is why I should NOT bring my lunch to work. And is probably why I've gained back almost ten pounds.

I could exercise, as my oldest brother is always pointing out, but I'd rather complain about the weight sneaking back on and my body flaws than actually do anything about them. It's so much less painful this way. Plus I figured if I wait long enough, they'll come out with a pill that will fix it all for me.

A Love Story - Sams Club

I discovered something that sends my heart a'fluttering.

Click and Pull from Sams Club. 

Yes, seriously. 

As my kids get older and my family continues to grow, grocery shopping has become an exhausting experience. I went only once a week, but it killed a good three hours of one of my valuable days off. And when it got to the point where other customers were standing around my checkout lane to see what my grand total was going to be, I had to figure out how to put a stop to it. 

Then my company offered us a discounted Sams Club membership, which I purchase online on Easter Sunday. I was surfing around the site to get an idea of what they offered when I heard trumpets herald (here I have to confess I just spent five minutes trying to figure out the word I wanted to use because I thought it was "harold" and apparently I was wrong). 

Click. Period. And. Period. Pull. 

You click, they pull. Tada!

I started out with a small order just to test them out. My favorite part about it was that I wasn't stuck in the aisle panicking because I couldn't figure out if the unit price was less than what I typically pay. I was able to take my time and make educated decisions about what I put in my virtual cart. The next day, I pulled up to the loading area of Sams, ran in to pay for my order and someone loaded it in the car for me. Oh, and there's NO CHARGE for this!!

*happy sigh*

Just this past Tuesday, I went all out. I'm talking a $500 order of cleaning supplies, bath and beauty products and of course food. I placed the order after 9PM on Monday, told them I wanted to pick it up at 4:30 and hit "submit". Then I went to bed while the little magical fairies went to work. My only issue was that I didn't get my email saying the order was ready for pick-up like I did the first time. But I called before I left the office to confirm that it was ready and this time I told them they could go ahead and pull my carts from the cooler and freezer (last time I had to wait for them to do it after I got there). When I got to the store, my order was completely ready to go. The dude helping me load my car kept looking at the three carts and my little Mistsubishi Gallant like "are you kidding me?". Why does a women with four kids of her own have a Gallant? Looooong story. You don't want to hear it. Trust me. 

My little minions, I mean kids, were ready to unload the car when I got home. To quote my teenage son, "that's a lotta food". Yes, a teenage boy said that. My heart still skips a beat when I replay the scene over and over in my head. 

I do realize that there are somethings that are cheaper to buy elsewhere - mainly cereal - so I won't completely erase my need to grocery shop, but at least I've drastically cut the time I spent dodging in and out of the aisles to hide from my kids as they tried to hunt me down with even more crap to put in my cart. And that is just priceless!